Have you ever loved anyone or anything with every fiber in your body?
From experience, I can say that love really does make you crazy.
It’s a rollercoaster ride with butterflies, laughter and the conversations I can’t have with anyone else.
Sometimes its perfect, like something from a movie and I can’t imagine caring about someone else so deeply.
Then I get that text.
The ride drops so unexpectedly that I feel like my stomach hit the floor.
“I’m scared I might lose myself. I’m trying not to think about it,” it says.
That’s a word we avoid because it’ll never get to that point.
I’m on my way to class with books in hand but I feel like I’ve just dropped through the floor into a dark hole.
It’s that time again.
The period where his smile and inviting hazel eyes disappear and I’m left talking to a wall.
I try my best to comfort him even though I know he’ll push me away.
Maybe when he feels my hand as he pushes it away, he’ll feel like he’s not alone.
He swears it’s not me but I feel like I should be able to make it better.
Sometimes it’s so hard to keep a smile on my face and that inviting tone I use to assure him I’m not giving up.
The phrase that keeps me strong is “every storm runs out of rain,” and sure enough the sun shines through the dark clouds.
I’m thankful every time we get through that dark time because I honestly can’t imagine my life without him. I love him so I stick by him.
That is how he describes the feeling so I won’t ever let go.
Suicide is such a sensitive subject (topic?).
It’s the loudest silence you’ll ever hear.
To anyone going through this, through my side or his, please don’t give up. There is someone that loves you unconditionally.